This is My Night Job
I’m a “work-at-home dad.”
Just over a year ago, as some of you know, my wife and I had our first child, Daniel, pictured here.
I’d already been working from home for years. Half of the basement, the finished part, was mine. All mine. And all “home office.”
Then we had Daniel. As if that weren’t a big enough life-changing event, I had to up the ante with, “Hon, let’s skip the daycare and save the bucks… I’ll watch Daniel during the day. I’m home anyway!”
I knew my days of peaceful and isolated work-at-home bliss was over. That much was obvious. But I figured I’d have Daniel somewhere on the side, but still next to me — I’d tend to his needs while fitting in work in between. Heck, I reasoned, it’d be like working back at a regular job in a regular office with a bunch of other “needy” people. (“Babies” is what I sometimes used to call them.)
Well — surprise! — it hasn’t quite worked out that way.
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The problem, in my experience, isn’t that there aren’t pockets of time that free up periodically through the day — there sure are, which is what I was banking on — but unless the baby happens to be asleep, those time freebies are, for the most part, unproductive.
The problem? Focus. Mine’s on the baby. Even when he’s off in some corner somewhere, happily playing with his toys and requiring my assistance with nothing whatsoever, half my brain’s still on him, monitoring him and what he’s doing. Every minute he’s awake. (I guess even when he’s asleep, for that matter, but the need to keep an eye on him isn’t quite as intense when he isn’t moving around getting into trouble.)
So that half-focus mode pretty much does it for any kind of writing work from me. And it’s nothing like working in a busy editorial office, with people running around and shouting, panicked, with a deadline coming up in an hour or so. Been there done that. You can go zonal with that scenario, blocking everything out to get some serious writing done. Not so when watching a kid… you can never block them out enough.
At least I can’t. Best I can do is maybe tackle a few quick emails, visit a few sites for whatever reason, take a few notes here and there… nothing serious or major or measurably productive in the least.
I can only let the work focus thing kick back in somewhat when Daniel’s mom comes home from her job, and even then I’m not even able to go into full work mode until after the family dinner and Daniel’s off to get some serious zzz’s.
Therefore, all these things you’ll be reading about in this blog are now part of what I call my “night job.” It’s been interesting. But I’ve got a feeling the coming year’s going to be even more so.
I guess we’ll find out.
– EES
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Interesting blog post. I remember those days. Your mind is always on your child even when working from home. Thanks for your contribution to The Work at Home Family Carnival.
I don’t have any children but I do have a whiny cat that pulls my focus all day long. And she doesn’t actually *need* my attention. It must be very hard to know your child needs you and still have to get work done. I’ve always said being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world (which is probably why I never became one!), and this is just one reason why.
The good thing is that they *do* grow up eventually!
When my daughter was born, I was working full time and took a 3 month leave. I had visions of sitting her in a stroller while I gardened or on a blanket at my feet while I wrote. In reality I was up nearly all night, having coffee at dawn holding here while looking things up in What to Expect When Expecting – the first year and still in my pajamas at noon!
Good luck. It does end. Mine just graduated from college in May
Nancy
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Carla, it isn’t tough at all not being able to work since my boy needs my full attention… I just don’t work.
And there’s time after to go do the work you need to do… you just don’t do all that “other stuff” you like doing — no movies, TV, sports, going out for dinner, etc…. aka not having a life. hehe
Funny part is, my wife and I are considering having another. Why the heck not…
Nancy, good to know I’m not alone at this experience.
ees
Welcome to the real world! Stay at home Moms (and now sometimes Dads) have been taking care of their children for ages, and it’s no easy task! As the children get older, you not only have to watch after them to make sure they don’t get into any physical trouble, you have to make sure they are ok emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I’m surprised that some who become parents don’t know this before the fact. What on earth did they THINK would be the case?
Each child they have needs attention, formation, and loving care from babyhood throughout their lives — most especially in their formitable years.
I do commend you Sir, and your wife as well, for not taking the easy way out and placing your child in daycare. You have instead decided to take care of your own child. Studies have shown that daycare is detrimental to a child, causing him hostility bc he is separated from his parents and family.
Putting Daniel into daycare would be entrusting him to a virtual stranger, who may not share your values, and might even put your child in danger.
So I say to you, keep on keeping on, doing what is most important — putting your child first. Yes, it’ll be a struggle to balance raising Daniel and keeping up your night job. Perhaps one day your wife will be able to stay at home with Daniel and any other children you may have. Then you’ll be able to work during the day again. That is my wish and my prayer for you…
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